I’m not sure how to feel about the trans community. Like any community, there are crazies and idiots but most of them seem pretty okay. When it comes down to it, we’re all people, and people aren’t perfect. Especially because the majority of us have had a lot of trouble coming to terms with being trans.
My main concern with the trans community is the victim complex most of us seem to have, and the endless hugboxing that happens in most trans spaces. Both of these things are a little complicated, and of course it comes down to everyone’s specific situation, but I think for the most part we should change these things.
When I say “victim complex” I mean that while yes, discrimination is a thing, Not everything bad in a trans person’s life is because they are trans. You see a lot of trans people blaming everything wrong with their life on the fact they are trans. Stop using being trans as a crutch and an excuse. It does make life harder, but they could also just be bad with money, or a bad person, or whatever. Stop making your transness the only part of who you are. If you’re an ass, trans or not, nobody is going to like you. You’re trans, suck it up, everybody has problems. Be strong, independent and awesome.
When I say “hugboxing” I mean when I go to a trans space and there are people encouraging the victim complex and sugar coating everything they say to a trans person. Don’t tell a person who doesn’t pass that they pass flawlessly, that can be a dangerous game. You just dishonestly built that person up, only for them to go outside and have that confidence destroyed by random assholes. I only hope they don’t go somewhere that could be dangerous for them, thinking they could stealth by, when they can’t. Other than passing, people hugbox to encourage the victim complex, saying things like, “You didn’t get the job because they discriminated against you, not because you aren’t qualified.” Once again, being trans isn’t your only problem, and use constructive criticism to get all the trans people presenting their best selves. Sometimes a hug is nice, and it can make you feel better, but other times people need advice, motivation and the truth. That will make them better themselves.
It’s also a problem for trans people who are just discovering themselves. I wandered into trans spaces a little more than a year ago, and most times was struck with tales of hate, discrimination and all these terrible things. Yes, we have to acknowledge the danger and keep ourselves safe. However, that being the main focus just instilled fear and sadness. I see far too many trans people in this do-nothing circle, being sad all the time, blaming being trans for everything and then getting reassured by others that they are right. What they need is some honesty and to pick themselves up and start fighting for who they are.